I was lucky to see the touring Extreme Midget Wrestlers, and I was able to get some highly exclusive interviews with three of the competitors. The carnage they took in the ring didn’t stop them from giving me a few words of advice, encouragement, and passion.
I urge you to read along with the recordings. These are the poets. You’re goofing up if you don’t read along. I also urge you to visit their website to check out these midget wrestlers.
Fantastic show, how do you feel?
About the results, you feel awesome? After that bullshit?
Cuz I got ripped off in America? Story of my life.
How did you get ripped off in America?
You Americans always short change me.
You high American referees, I’m Canadian.
High on what? High on marijuana?
No. You “hire.” Not “high.” I speak Canadian, I’m sorry, you Americans can’t understand me.
I don’t understand abaeeadbdbii’m an arrogant American.
Shut up, eh? That’s what that’s aboot. I’m talking, you listen. That’s how interviews are happening. You don’t talk while I’m talking. That’s not how you get an interview. You want to be a publicist? I’ll teach you how to be a publicist. You shut up and listen when I’m talking. That way — you’ll get some information. If your mug is flapping it’s only to hear your mouth, it’s your information. Then it has nothing to do with me.
Alright I got it. Tell me about it then.
What do you want to learn?
Well, uh, my mouth’s not flapping, I want to hear your mouth flapping.
You want to learn about my business?
I’m the greatest god damn entertainer you’ve ever seen in your life. And ever will see.
Speak your name as a testament.
Little Nasty Boy.
Little Nasty Boy. Speak your name again.
I’ve been in nine countries, all 50 states. Nasty Boy rules this shit, eh.
I’ve only been to like, four states. What does that say about me?
[Announcer] *We need all the midgets over here. All the midgets.*
Hey. Hey, thanks Nasty Boy. Take it easy man.
You see all these midget wrestlers?
Right? You know what I’m saying? I can midget wrestle. You saw me midget wrestle.
I saw you fuckin’ midget wrestle.
You saw me midget wrestle.
Alright bro, this is the first midget wrestling match that I’ve been at. It’s been fucking live.
I didn’t die, did I?
No, you didn’t die. Are you willing to die in the ring?
You’re willing to die in the ring?
How do you want to die in the ring?
I want to die, like, from atleast – like uh – like uh – atleast – I want the rock bottom.
The rock bottom – that is how you want to die. What does that mean?
I’m a stone cold –
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
I fuckin’ love you
What’s it like being the [bleep] King Midget?
Everything a man could wish for. It’s everything – I love it, I respect it to the heart, pour all my heart out for it. Being the king means everything to me.
[Bleep] yeah, buddy. Hey, excellent job tonight. You [bleep] rocked it. I [bleep] loved it. Do you have anything you want to say to the fans?
Shout out to Oklahoma City. Shout out to Dallas. Shout out to the whole country. Love y’all. Y’all mean everything to me.
Yeah. Hey, thanks.
From left to right: Rampage, King Midget, me, Rookie, Little Nasty Boy